.. i exist for you and you alone ..

2006-10-23T06:44:00.000-07:00

.. baguio part II ..

back to baguio! the cold air, the strawberries, the pine trees. it feel so good! i missed the place! to complete everything, i have my bebe with me! this is my gift for her for our monthsary. this month is very special, this is our month! why? this is the month when i put her solely in my heart. my love that is for her alone!

i love you bebekoy.. so much! HAPPY MONTHSARY!

2006-10-18T01:49:00.000-07:00

.. i miss the feeling of being cared with so much caress, being loved with so much love ..

2006-10-09T01:50:00.000-07:00

.. you know how much i love you. i hope i could make you happy with what i am, with what i have and with my simple ways. iloveyousomuch and i always will ..

2006-10-05T22:37:00.000-07:00

.. please hold on ..

2006-10-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

.. gaya ng dati ..

Dati-rati
Laman ng puso mo ay ang pangalan Ko
Lagi Ako sa isip mo
Dati-rati
Inaawitan pa lagi ay may ngiti
Mga mata’y nagniningning

Ngunit ngayon nagbago ka
Nasa’n na ang init ng pagsinta
Pangako mo’y hindi magwawakas

Di ba’t noon
Samyo ng bulaklak at ihip ng hangin ay kapansin-pansin
Di ba’t noon takbo ng oras ay di mo napapansin
Laging naglalambing

Ngunit ngayon naglaho na
Sigla’t tamis ng iyong pagsinta
Pagmamahal Ko ba’y kailangan pa, Ooh

Dati-rati
Mga pangako Ko’y kandungan mo’t lakas
Sa pagsubok ay kay tatag
Di ba’t noon
Sa kaibigan mo’y Akong bukambibig
Bakit ngayo’y anong lamig

Di mo alam Ako’y nasasaktan
Sa di pagpansin sa Aking pagmamahal
Lumapit ka’t Ako’y naghihintay
Naghihintay, ohh
Ako’y nasasaktan Sa di pagpansin sa aking pagmamahal
Lumapit ka’t ako’y naghihintay
Di mo alam Ako’y nasasaktan Sa di pagpansin sa Aking pagmamahal
Lumapit ka’t Ako’y naghihintay

Panginoon Ako’y nabulag ng mandarayang mundo
Ako ay patawarin Mo
Mula ngayon ang buhay kong ito’y
Iaalay sa Iyo gamitin mo ako
Gaya ng dati
Gaya ng dati
Gaya ng dati

2006-10-05T00:53:00.000-07:00

.. i love you with all of my heart ..

2006-10-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

.. pain in my heart ..

Here i am alone in this empty room
And let my mind just fly you to the end
Thoughts of you still linger in my memory
Wondering why my life is not that fair
I could still recall
Those memories of you
The joy and all your laughter
The love that we've been through
Oh, i can't believe you're gone
Oh, no

Talkin' to myself for no reasons i could find
Findin' out why everything went wrong
Tears falling down my cheeks that I've been trying to hold
It doesn't know if i could still go on I wanted you to stay
The tears begin to show
You said you cared for me
But then you had to go
And now i know you're gone

But i don't want to remember
The things (we used to do/that we've been Through)
And all the things that remind me of you
I don't want to hear the songs
The songs we used to sing 'coz i don't wanna feel the pain in my heart

2006-10-03T00:30:00.000-07:00

im not a fairytale
im not a dream come true
im not a perfect person
im just an ordinary person
just loving you
trying to be perfect for you

i made mistakes
hurt you many times
im just an ordinary person
changing my life for you

i can hold others hand
i can forget you if i want
but im just an ordinary person
offering my life to be with you

time changes, feeling changes
everyone changes
but im just an ordinary person
holding, staying for you

2006-10-02T23:55:00.000-07:00

.. i want to cry, burst into tears, fall asleep and never open my eyes again ..

2006-10-01T22:26:00.000-07:00

.. ordinary people ..

i heard this song in starbucks, it's just that i can relate to the song. here it goes:

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby you and I

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

this song is for you bebe..iloveyousomuch..i'm always here waiting for you.

2006-09-30T01:14:00.000-07:00

.. moments to remember ..

.. enchanted kingdom ..

this is our first trip outside manila together. i can still remember during those times i'm not into this kind of trips pero lam nyo, nagiba dahil sa kanya. ang sarap pala! sobrang sarap kahit nakakapagod. she made me one thing, that for once in your life, you have to go out of your shell. how i wish, i can go back there again with her.

.. baguio ..

how could i forget this place? di kami papayagan kapag kami lang dalawa pero tatakas sana kami. hehehe. pero since mabait kami, we invite our friends with us. hinding hindi ko makakalimutang moment dito ung one night before we leave, namangka kami, kantahan with our theme song, "pinoy ako" an unforgetable night i will always treasure. gusto ko ulit bumalik ng baguio kasama sya. nakakarelax, nakakainlove.

.. eurostar ..

thanks God! nasundan ulit ung dream ko to experience a thrilling event in my life, more than with what i had with enchanted kingdom. sa totoo lang, pinagipunan namin to ni bebe kakaiba daw talaga based sa nabasa nya sa blog ni vj ala. since we like these kinds of thrilling experience, we tried to go there and face each ride. the one ride that i can't remember is the "joker". ito ung pinakaayaw ko talagang sakyan kasi pakiramdam ko, bibigay na ung puso ko. pero since the curiosity and eagerness to experience it, sumakay kami. alam nyo, kahit takot na takot ako at sigaw ng sigaw, ang sarap ng feeling kasi naramdaman ko ung kamay nya sa braso ko, kinukumusta nya ako. such a sweet thing for me. kaya nakasmile talaga ako nung bumaba ng "joker". i don't know when will i experience this again. i hope, soon..

.. puerto galera ..

the sun is high and its time to relax. our destination? puerto galera. ang sarap ng bakasyon ko talaga nun. nakakarelax tapos kasama mo ung mahal na mahal mo sa buhay mo. ito ung mga bagay at pagkakataon na hinding hindi ko ipagpapalit kahit sa ano, spending those days with her. kahit wala ako masyado nung pera, talagang pinagplanuhan namin ng maayos just to experience something new. ang sarap ng dagat, ang sarap ng hangin. pero alam mo kung anong pinakamasarap na nangyari sa akin dito? to wake up in the morning na makita mo ung breakfast is served outside the terrace. our background? the sea with the sun rising. ang sarap talaga! first time kong ma-experience un. sabi ko sa sarili ko that time. sobrang swerte ko sa babaeng ito dahil mahal na mahal ako. sya na talaga ung babae para sa akin, sya na talaga..

.. each day with you ..

ano pa ba ang hihilingin ko sa buhay ko? ang makasama sya. alam mo, sa tuwing nakikita ko itong mga pics namin, napapangiti talaga ako. the feeling to be with her is point of it all. mahal na mahal ko sya, sobrang mahal. i always reminisce those days with her and i always will go back to those days when we smile, we kiss, we hug, we laugh, we love. sana dumating pa ulit ung time na ganito. i'm praying hard for her, for us.

please come back baby, please come back. coz this time i'll make sure, you'll not regret loving me. it's not a promise, it's a commitment with you for the rest of our lives. ikaw na lang ang hinihintay ko sa buhay ko.. this is for you. i'll wait for you..naniniwala ako sayo. alam kong babalik ka.. mahal na mahal kita..

2006-09-27T02:25:00.000-07:00

.. bebe ..

hanggang kailan tayo iiyak
hanggang kailan tayo masasaktan
kailan tayo sasaya
sa pagibig na ating tinatag

sana maging masaya na tayo
maghihintay ako sayo
pero sana wag mong paasahin
ang puso kong nasasabik sayo

mahal na mahal kita
sana malaman mo yan
masakit man ang pinagdadaanan natin
tandaam mo, hindi magbabago ang pagibig na ito

sana maging maayos na ang lahat
sana ipagpatuloy na natin ang ating nasimulan
sapagkat hinding hindi mo na pagsisisihan
na muli mong ibalik ang iyong pagmamahal

2006-09-27T02:05:00.000-07:00

.. bebe ..

hanggang kailan ako iiyak? hanggang kailang ako masasaktan? kelan ka babalik o babalik ka pa ba? hindi ko alam. gusto ko malaman mong mahal na mahal na mahal kita..

2006-09-26T06:52:00.000-07:00

.. bebe ..

mis na mis na kita bebe. sana mabasa mo itong blog ko. i hope you know that i'm always here for you. nandito lang ang puso ko, naghihintay para sayo. sana bumalik ka na. ang daming nagbago sa buhay ko simula ng dumating ka, pero alam mo kung ano ang pinakaimportanteng nagawa mo sa buhay ko? ang magmahal ng lubos at sayo ko pinapadama ito. hindi man ako perpekto, pero sana sa mga simpleng pamamaraan ko, napasaya kita at napapasaya. you know how hard we fought for this relationship and know what? i will still fight for you dahil mahal na mahal na mahal kita.. kahit gaano ka kalayo, kahit gaano kasakit. sana bumalik ka na. hinihintay kita bebe..

2006-09-11T05:26:00.000-07:00

.. nawawala ..

pare, tagal ko na din di nakapagsulat dito sa blog ko. may gusto akong gawin na mahabang blog kaya lang, the timing is not right. ewan ko ba, bakit ganito ang buhay. tuwing magiging masaya ako, biglang bubuhos ang malakas na ulan.

i have three songs right now na gustong gusto kong pakinggan. here are the songs:

"..what do we mean to each other.."

I'd rather know if you had turned the page
If you go faster than I do
Suddenly it's not so clear just what I am to you
Am I friend, am I lover, do we still need each other
When you touch me, when you touch me baby I can tell

What do we mean to each other, am I friend, am I lover is it over now
If this is it then why bother tell me where do we take it from here
What do we mean to each other am I friend ,am I lover, is it over now
Do you love me still or do you just mean well

I can see clearly how im hurting you
Every breath gives you a way
All we go on separate roads has gone in the way
Am I friend, am I lover, do we still need each other
When you hold me, when you hold me baby I can tell

What do we mean to each other, am I friend, am I lover is it over now
If this is it then why bother tell me where do we take it from here
What do we mean to each other am I friend ,am I lover, is it over now
Do you love me still or do you just mean well

Time became a poison looking slowly on my home
Screwing all the memories, Is it tearing us apart
When you touch me, when you touch me baby I can tell

What do we mean to each other, am I friend, am I lover is it over now
If this is it then why bother tell me where do we take it from here
What do we mean to each other am I friend ,am I lover, is it over now
Do you love me still or do you just mean well

"..this time i'll be sweeter .."

darling can't you seewhat losing you has done to me
im not the same boy i used to be
have a change of heart don't leave me standing in the dark
don't let confusion keep us apart

come back to me and i'll guarantee all the tenderness and love you'll ever need
This time i'll be sweeter
our love will run deeper
i won't mess around i won't let you let down
have faith in mehave faith in me

since you've been away
i haven't seen the light of day
im lost without you cant find my way
so won't you please be fair
and let me show how much i care
say you'll be mine and answer my prayer
come back to me
and I promise I’ll beeverything’s that bright
and new your whole life through

"..starting over again.."

And when I hold you in my arms I promise you
You're gonna feel a love that's beautiful and new
This time I'll love you even better
Than I ever did before
And you'll be in my heart forevermore

We were just too young to know
We fell in love and let it go So easy to say the words goodbye
So hard to let the feelings die
I know how much I need you now
The time is turning back somehow
As soon as our heart and souls unite I know for sure we'll get the feeling right

And now we're starting over again
It's not the easiest thing to do
I'm feeling inside again
Cuz every time I look at you
I know were starting over again
This time we'll love all the pain
Welcome home my lover and friend
We are starting over, over again

If we never lived alone
Then we might have never known
All the time we spent apart
All we did was break each other's heart

And when I hold you in my arms I promise you
You're gonna feel a love that's beautiful and new
This time I'll love you even better
Than I ever did before
And you'll be in my heart forever

And now we're starting over again
It's not the easiest thing to do
I'm feeling inside again
Cuz everytime I look at youI know were starting over again

This time we'll love all the pain away
Welcome home my lover and friend
We are starting over, over again

This time we'll chase all the rain away
Welcome home my lover and friend
We are starting over, over again We are starting over, over again

i have another song, "love me like the first time". i don't know much of the lyrics but i have some lines here:

"love me like the first time again
let's pretend, it's never gonna end
for one last night, just hold me in the way you used to do you know
love me like the first time and go"

sa totoo lang pare, di ko na alam gagawin ko. hindi ko din alam bakit nangyayari ang mga bagay na ito. ayaw ko syang mawala pero bakit kailangang mangyari ito. sana dumating na ung time na ok na ang lahat. sana maging maayos na ang lahat.

2006-08-28T22:09:00.000-07:00

.. getting used to it ..

pare, this is my first of my second chapter. why is the title like this? you'll see later. i just published abother blog yesterday and medyo mahaba sya. last saturday ko pa sya natapos. kahapon ko lang na-upload kasi wala akong internet dito sa bahay.

i really love these songs from e-heads, "walang nagbago" and "para sa masa". the first one, ely described the changes that happened from his childhood upto what he is right now. here are some excerpts of the song:

"nung ikaw ay bata pa
ang lahat ay masaya
umiikot ang mundo at hindi humihinto
ang lahat ng makita mo ay bago
ngayon, may edad ka na
at lulong sa problema
nangangarap na ibalik ang kahapon
hindi mo malaman kung bakit kailangang magbago ang lahat
magbago ang lahat sa buhay mo"

how would i relate this to love? diba kapag bago pa kayo, bago ang lahat. both of you explore each other. you build up the chemistry. may spark pa kumbaga. masaya ang lahat, ang sarap magmahal. sinasabi mo pa, siya na ang buhay mo, at kahit anong mangyari, hinding hindi magbabago ang pagmamahal nyo sa isa't isa. ang saya magmahal diba?

but as time goes by, challenges will enter into your lives, hindi lang isa, sangkatutak! that's how you will be tested. minsan, nakakapagod na, minsan, nawawalan ka na ng gana kasi lagi kayong nagaaway. parang wala na kayong ma-explore sa isa't isa. nandyan din ang tukso. but how will you stand up for your each other, gaano katatag ang pagmamahal mo para sa knya. fighting for your love is the most challenging one.

the second song medyo mahirap i-relate sa pagmamahal, pero may one line ako na gustong gusto dito, "pinilit kong iahon ka, ngunit ayaw mo namang sumama..". sometimes, your excerting too much effort for someone or something na ayaw or hindi para sayo. sa pagmamahal, your giving all you can to show how much you love your partner. your world will revolve around him. but the question is, does he revolves around you too?

kapag lagi kang nasasaktan dahil sa minamahal mo, paglipas ng panahon, nagiging natural na lang sayo ang lahat. at kahit papano, nakahanap ka ng solusyon sa mga sakit na naramdaman mo, you managed to escape them.

kapag nagmahal ka ba, ano ang mas mahalaga syo? ang taong mahal mo? o ang sarili mo? para sa akin, parehas. kailangang isipin mo ung makakapagpasaya sa inyong dalawa and you know how to manage it. you need to give what your partner deserves, without questions, without doubt. if you can't, be honest to him to avoid too much hurt in the end and being unfair.

minsan, ikaw ung nasa sitwasyon na punong puno ng pagmamahal. parang kang isang napakalakas na apoy. lalo kang nagbabaga kapag sinusuklian nya ito ng sapat na pagmamahal, nilalagyan ka nya ng langis upang mapanatili mo ang apoy. pero minsan, nasa sitwasyon ka naman na ikaw ay nagbabagang apoy, pero habang lumilipas ang sandali, unti unti kang nauupos dahil hindi ka napapabayaan ka, minsan maaalala ka nya at bibigyan ng langis, pero di nya alam, tubig na pala ang nilalagay syo at unti unting humihina ang iyong ningas.

your hurt when you did not get what you deserve in love. at minsan, nalalaman lang ng mahal mo na mahalaga ka sa kanya kapag nawawala ka na, o kapag wala ka na. nanghihinayang ka, nagsisisisi at gusto mong ibalik ang kahapon ngunit alam mo na kahit anong gawin mo, hindi mo na maibabalik ang nakaraan.

sa buhay ko pagdating sa pagibig, may masaya, may malungkot. sa lahat ng sakit na naranasan ko at nararanasan, parang nagiging normal na lang sa akin ang lahat. ito ang ayaw ko, ang maging manhid. wag na sanang umabot pa sa ganito. nitong mga nakaraang araw, napagisip isip ko, masyado pa akong bata para lagi na lang malungkot. i think i have to get out of my box. i have to enjoy my life too and take things easy. masyado ko lang pinapahirapan at sinasaktan ang sarili ko. i have to explore my world but not to the extent of making things worst that will hurt other people around me especially her. i just need to change things and tweak some things within me. i have to love myself too.

2006-08-27T22:26:00.000-07:00

.. end of chapter 1 ..

pare, musta? tagal ko na din di nakapagsulat dito..pasensya na, daming gawa eh.pero eto, bawi ako..hehehhee. this time, end ko muna ung chapter before i start a new one.
ang daming nangyari sa akin this past few days. last day ko sa trend. nag-pier one kami. pumunta sa family ng baby ko sa bulacan, nag-treat ako sa family ko, at ngayon, first week ko sa emerson.

lam mo, sa wakas, nakikita ko at nararamdaman na mahal na mahal pa rin nya talaga ako. ang sarap pare. sobrang saya ko nun. bumabalik na din sya para sa amin. alam kong ayaw nyang masayang ang pinagsamahan namin, kaya ginagawa din
nyang lahat.

pare, i would like to relate love with a restaurant. i still remember when i was still a child, gustong gusto kong kumain sa jollibee. masarap ang pagkain, lahat gusto kong kainin. i still remember my auntie treating us there. lagi kong inoorder hamburger, fries, chicken joy, spaghetti at isang large sprite. lakas kong kumain diba? sulit kumbaga.

pero, as time goes by, napapansin ko, may nagbabago, sa size, sa presyo, sa lasa ng mga pagkain nila. hindi tulad nung dati. it seems habang dumadaan ang panahon, mas iniisip nila ang sarili nila. well, there are still things or ideas to reach to their customers like me pero hindi tulad ng dati. now, bakit kailangan magbago? hindi ba dapat mas isipin muna nila ang cutsomers nila bago ang sarili nila? now, with these changes, the tendency of some customers is to find other restaurants that will satisfy them. but upto now, i still love jollibee. how i wish, hindi ako mapagod at di magsawa sa mga pagkain nila. i hope, they could bring back the satisfaction i have when i was still a child.

maiba naman tayo. pare, hindi ba masarap magkaron ng kaibigan? nung high school ako may girlfriend ako, mas ahead sya sa akin ng one year, college na sya pero 4th year pa lang ako. pero i still to manage my life without her. the worst thing, nakaya kong mawala sya. kaya nung nag-break kami, parang ok lang kasi nandyan naman ang mga kaibigan ko. within two years, i survived not engaging to relationships. ok kasi ung mga kabarkada ko nung college days. hindi ko nga alam nakaya ko pala ung mag-spend ng time sa bahay lang kapag wala akong class. but during those days, meron din naman akong mga babae na masasabi ko din naman naging bahagi ng buhay ko. pero iba ung hinahanap ko, ung tipong masasatisfy ako. pero one day, lahat un nagiba nung nagkaron ulet ako ng girlfriend. nasanay ako na malayo sa mga kaibigan ko, na ok lang kahit wala sila kasi nandyan naman sya. akala ko nga sya na. but as time goes by, hindi na ako nasisiyahan. there are things between us na hindi tama, lalo na sa treatment nya sa akin. that's why i found this girl which i really feel satisfaction. as in wala akong masasabi sa kanya. the sacrifice, the love. wala akong masabi. days goes by and we even went into the most problematic days of our relationship, most as of the moment. hindi ko talaga kinaya, ngayon lang talaga ako naka-encounter ng ganito. di ko kinaya. now, i really need a friend. like the ones she has right now. ung tipong matatakbuhan ko lalo na kapag may problema ako. ung mga tipong ganito. may kaibigan ako, matatakbuhan ko, pero hindi ko naman laging kasama. either weekend ko lang sya makakasama. pero the whole week, ako lang halos talaga. i felt alone. kaya pare, naghahanap talaga ako ng mga barkada ko, tulad nung high school, gaya nung college. ung lagi kong kasama. siguro, hindi ako masyadong mahihirapan tulad ng nangyari sa akin. mababaliw talaga ako, gusto kong magpakamatay. with friends, i can get different opinions, with them, i know i can get a lot of solutions. now, i learn how to cherish friends. and i miss having a buddy. sya kasi ung i consider as my buddy, my bestfriend as well. nung time na nawala sya, nawalan din ako ng kaibigan, bestbud. pero lam mo pare, of all the things i've said and felt during the past few days, maswerte na din ako. i've given another chance, and i consider as my last chance with her. alam ko, isa pang malaking pagkakamali ko sa kanya, i know its the end. salamat sa kanya kasi naramdaman ko ulet ang pagmamahal nya. ang kanyang pagmamahal. na mahal na mahal nya ako.

pero lam mo pare, nasasaktan pa din ako minsan, it seems may tinatago sya. hindi ko alam. hindi na sya transparent di katulad ng dati. madaming nagbago, at ung dating satisfaction na nararamdaman ko sa kanya, hindi na ganun. pero mahal nya ako, at nararamdaman ko un. pero sa pagmamahal na un, di nya alam, nasasaktan din nya ako sa mga pagbabago sa kanya kaya nasabi ko na minsan mahal nya ako, pero minsan, hindi. hindi ko ngayon alam kung talaga bang mahal nya ako.

ngayon, kailangan kong makuntento, i know we are going to a lot more challenges. i know in this chapter, i've been into a lot of hurt. i don't want to end not having her. I hope God give me a lot of strength to face these challenges, faith with her. a lot of love for her. sana hindi ako mapagod. sana hindi ako magin manhid. sana maramdaman ko na ulit ang satisfaction na naramdaman ko noon. alam kong makakaya ko, lam mo kung bakit? dahil mahal
na mahal ko sya. mahal na mahal. sobrang mahal. higit pa sa sarili ko.

2006-08-23T06:31:00.000-07:00

.. special day ..

Every 23 of the month is a special day for me, know why? that is the day when she said she loves me too. it felt so good to reminisce that day. i hope she knows how much i love her .

baby, iloveyousomuch! so much! happy monthsary!

2006-08-11T00:31:00.000-07:00

.. last day ..

this is my last day here at Trend Micro. i'm going to transfer to Emerson next week. Its really sad to leave Trend especially my friends here. but somehow, i'm happy too because it's going to be a new task, new challenges. new beginnings.

speaking of new beginnings, my happiness should had been complete if i haven't got this heart problem. i just proved to myself that my day is not complete without her. it's really hard to accept the fact that she just "loves" me. its' not that i don't appreciate her right now, it's just that i want to release these feelings inside of me.

i hope that i can bring her back again. if not, i don't know what will happen next. come to think of me without a future. i hope you'll know how important she is to me. how i love her. how i miss her everyday.

i love you baby. i miss you so much..

2006-08-10T02:12:00.000-07:00

.. manhid ..

pare, ilang linggo na din na ganito ako. mahirap pero kinakaya ko. gusto ko sanang maging manhid, wag masaktan. sana nga lang magawa ko. pero siguro kung magawa ko mang hindi na masaktan, isa lang ang ibig sabihin nun, kaya ko na syang mawala. ayaw kong dumating sa point na un. naiisip ko na lang, paano kung maging katulad din nya ako. may pupuntahan pa ba kami? parang wala ng katapusan. pero sana, hindi mangyari un. sana..

pare, ramdam ko naman na ginagawa nya para maibalik ung pagmamahal nya para sa akin. dko din sya masisisi kung bakit sya naging ganun. kasalanan ko din ang lahat.. ngayon, ginagawa kong lahat para bumalik ulit sya. maghihintay ako para sa kanya at gusto ko na ulit maranasan ung lubos na kasiyahan kasama sya at ganun din sya sa akin. pare, wala na akong aaksayahing panahon pagbalik nya. wala na. lahat ito ay para sa kanya, para sa amin.

sana, makapagsimula na ulit kami. bagong pag-asa para sa ming dalawa, isang bagong umaga at walang hanggang pagmamamahalan.

2006-08-09T01:01:00.000-07:00

.. tsug! ..

hay..kakaiba talaga ang nararamdaman ko. minsan masaya, minsan sobrang sakit. ganito pala ang nararamdaman ng mabalewala, ung tipong your not included in the top ten of her priorities. ung tipong ok lang na masaktan ka at walang gana. maswerte na din ako kasi mahal nya ako. pero, ang masakit dun, dati mahal na mahal nya ako. bumaliktad nga ang mundo. ganun lang talaga siguro, di pa sapat ang mga nangyayari sa akin ngayon, kulang pa siguro. iniiwasan ko na ang maging malungkot. pero umiiyak pa din ako. iniiwasan ko ang masaktan, pero eto, tinatanggap ko pa din lahat ang sakit.

pare, pasensya ka na, ganito lang talaga ako. sana, intindihin mo na lang ako. pare, sana bigyan pa ako ni Lord ng lakas para makayanan ang lahat ng ito. Panginoon ko, kung hanggang kailan man ito, sana bigyan mo pa ako ng sapat na lakas, lakas para makayanan ang mga sakit na nararamdaman ko. Sana, matutunan kong maging manhid kahit sandali lang. sana makita ko na ang sarili ko sa kanyang mga mata. sana madama na ulit ng puso ko na mahal n mahal na nya ulit ako.

2006-08-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

.. nangangarap ..

simula nung bata pa ako, mahilig na ako sa music. love songs ang una kong nagustuhan. i always dedicate a song to my special someone. bata pa lang ako, madami na akong naging crush and dedicated them different songs. hehehe.. i remember, i ngdday dream ako while listening to music then my mother will call me. papagalitan ako, nakatunganga na naman daw ako..nyahahahaha.. madami na ding songs na nadedicate sa akin from the past to present. masarap pakinggan lalo na kapag ung special someone mo nagsabi na pakinggan mo itong song na to, pakinggan mo ang song na yan..kahit sa umpisa di mo trip, sonce napakinggan mo, dun mo lang marerealize na maganda pala and everytime you here those songs, hindi mo maalis sa isipan mo ung special someone mo. and everytime, every stage in your relationship, may song kayo para sa isa't isa.

well pare, ang dami kong songs na gusto na nakakarelate ako. some of these songs are "the way you look at me" by Christian Bautista, "what do i do" by Nyoy Volante, "lost in your eyes" by Debbie Gibson, "if i believe" by Patty Austin and sympre "pare ko" by Eraserheads.

why "the way you look at me"? the first time i heard this song, i remember a girl, a girl that whenever i look at her eyes, i feel happy, i feel complete, i feel love. it's just that i can't stop looking at her feeling these things inside of me that i can't explain.

why "what do i do"? first, i like the rythm of this song, it's very relaxing..sarap matulog. but what about the message? sympre, pasok na naman ang nararamdaman ko. you know the feeling that you can't stop loving someone? na na-fall in love ka sa taong un? and everytime you call her name kahit nasa takubets ka :) .. sarap diba? hehehehe..ganun ung nararamdaman ko for this girl, kakaiba.

why "lost in your eyes"? halos kaparehas sya nung "the way you look at me" diba? once i look at her eyes, wala akong pakialam sa paligid ko. being with her, seeing me in her eyes is the point of it all.

why "if i believe"? i know that there are many impossible things in this world, but being with her, nothing is impossible.

why "pare ko"? lahat ng tao, kailangan ng kaibigan. lam mo, she's my bestfriend too. kaya nga nung nawala sya, dalawa ang nawala sa akin, isang nagmamahal at isang kaibigan. ngayon, kailangan ko ng kaibigan na maiiyakan. ung hahayaan akong sumigaw habang umiiyak.

salamat sa mga musikang katulad nito. madaming nagagawang bagay sa buhay natin, lalo na sa akin. at sana ay maging instumento ang mga musikang katulad nito para malaman nya kung gaano ko sya kamahal.

2006-08-06T23:25:00.000-07:00

.. kailan ..

pare, nandito na naman ako.. kahapon sobrang saya ko, kasama ko ulit sya. nagsimba, nagbayad ng bills namin sa bahay, nggrocery. tawa kami ng tawa, kwentuhan at sympre, kainan. d pwedeng mawala un. heheheh. pero akala ko masaya na ang lahat, hindi pa pala. masakit lang talaga kapag ramdam mo na hindi ka pa nya ganun kamahal. i just thought she came back already. but that's the sad thing, just a thought. pero pare, it doesn't mean that she's not 100%, wala na syang ginagawa. lam mo, nakikita ko din sa kanya kung paano sya bumabalik para sa akin, para sa amin and i wanna thank her for that. i just need to be patient, to be strong, to continue to love her despite of these things that's happening between us. i need to do these things for i need her. i love her so much. and i believe that she loves me too, so much. i feel her in a short span of time. pare, kahit ganito kami ngayon, i'm very proud sa aming dalawa. we fight for this relationship, we fight for each other, we fight for our love. i believe we can do it, we may not know when, but you will see.
pare, i know it's very hard and impossible for me to bring back a broken chain. but you know what? everything's possible for my love for her. i know i can't bring back the past but i know, we will start a better one.

for my baby, i'm still here. i'll always be with you. in every part of you..you know how i miss you right now but i know i have to still wait for you. but don't worry baby, i can do this for you for i love you so much!

2006-08-05T23:43:00.000-07:00

.. for you my love..

it's been a while since i felt this feeling again, ang sarap talaga kapag nararamdaman mong mahal ka din nya. i want to thank her for that and for transforming me into a better person.

i want to tell you thru this blog that no matter what challenge we face everyday, you'll feel my hand holding yours and my arms wrap against you to tell you and let you feel that my love will always stay for you.

baby, thank you for your love. thank you for everything you've shown me. like what i've said, you are the perfect being for me. just like a puzzle, you complete the remaining pieces of me. loosing one piece of you, makes me incomplete. iloveyoubaby!

2006-08-03T00:02:00.000-07:00

.. back to my future ..

it's been a while..kelan lang sobrang lungkot ko.pero ngayon, medyo ok na..ok na kasi bumalik na sya ulet..medyo kasi i know and i feel not one hundred percent. pero ok lang, i'll accept this kesa naman wala sya sa tabi ko, d ko kaya.. i thank her for giving me this opportunity to help her, for us.. mahal ko talaga sya. i will not waste this opportunity and i will not commit the same mistake again.. can't lose her for i love her so much.. maybe you'll say corny ko pero ganun talaga, once you feel this thing inside of you, iba ang magagawa sa buhay mo..

baby, this is all for you. iloveyousomuch. i know we can make it. i believe in us. hmmwaaaah! i'll wait till i have your 100% you again. i'll never give up on you.. i miss you my baby..i love you so..

2006-07-30T22:00:00.000-07:00

This is my first time to write this kind of things in a blog. Maybe this thing will help me ease the pain i'm feeling right now, i hope. Gusto kong irelease lahat ng nararamdaman kong sakit ngayon. Kakaiba nga, ganito pa ang first writing ko sa blog. Alam ko na hindi ko mailalabas lahat ng details ng nararamdaman ko dito sa blog na ito, pero i know somehow this will help me.

These past few days, I've been in finding ways how i can make my day the way it was used to be. i've been fighting for a relationship but i don't know if it's willing to stand for me too. Madami na kaming pinagdaanang hindi maganda. Pero mahal ko pa din sya. Marami din akong pagkukulang at mga pagkakamali sa aming dalawa, pero alam ko sa sarili ko, sya pa din sa huli. Madami akong pinagsisisihan, madaming dapat ituwid. Ang daming tanong sa isip ko ngayon, madaming haka-haka. Minsan sinasaktan ko na lang ang damdamin ko para maging manhid. Minsan naisip ko, mahirap kapag natutunan ang pagmamahal, isang ihip ng hangin, mabibigla ka, limot mo na. Right now, i'm looking for the true reason na sa kanya ko lang makikita. Reason na sasagot sa lahat ng aking mga katanungan. Ayaw kong magmukmok, pero alam ko pagkatapos ng araw, heto't babalik sa dati. Napakabilis ng sandali. Ayaw kong balikan ulit ang sakit, pero kailangan kong harapin.

I want to say sorry, for all the things i made you cry. i'm longing for you and i love you so much that i'm accepting all these pains for you, for us. i'm praying hard for us and i don't want you to go. i will wait for you. ikaw ang kailangan ko.